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Curriculum Vitae
On March 16th, 1981 a very special kid saw the light of day. He was gorgeous, highly intelligent, big tool and every mother's dream. I laid next to that kid in the baby ward. I don't remember much about my birth because I was too young.
When I was 2 or 3 years old I started kindergarden. I passed the acceptance test with flying colors (housebroken). At the age of 4 I first came into conflict with the law. I kissed and stalked a younger girl, so my parents had to go and speak with my teacher. I was almost thrown out of kindergarden and I can't remember whether my parents were proud or mad. Who knows what could have become of me if I had grown up without going to kindergarden (astronaut).
After that came years of pampering: only child and three aunts! When I was 5 I was studying day and night to pass the acceptance test for elementary school. The point of the test was to draw a stick-figure without forgetting the neck. At first I had to get used to the concept of school. They hid the toys and I had to get rid of my pacifier. And, why should I learn how to write? After all I could talk!
How much bad luck can a child have, who is highly-motivated to learn writing, to break his arm only two days before his first day at school?! Maybe I shouldn't have tried to jump off a treehouse with a triple somersault!
I had to go to school anyway. I was crying like a river and swore never to go there again when my parents came to pick me up afterwards. But, I still managed to develop a passion for learning new things. That was when I stopped saying hello to the kids from kindergarden when I ran into them on the street or at clubs. We first-graders were COOL!
After joining a soccer club at the age of 6 it became clear that I had two left feet and was a total clutz. To everyone's surprise I still managed to become a sports ace and the best pupil of the school.
I fell in love for the first time in 5th grade: Kelly from Beverly Hills 90210! At the end of 6th grade I had to decide which secondary school I would attend. Back then my repord cards were still really impressive:
"Flash has a kind and unobstructive nature. He took on all school affairs with great eagerness and determination. Flash was always focused and enriched the conversations in class with good contributions. He finished written tasks in an exemplary way, but sometimes seemed a little hurried. His homework was completed regularly and very thoroughly."
In the end the "Lessing" secondary school was the one I attended. All I had to do was get rid of my Mickey Mouse schoolbag and I was good to go. At the end of elementary school we thought we were the strongest, biggest, and smartest. But, soon we realized we had to start all over again.
I don't really remember when and how it exactly happened, but in 7th grade I made a joke and everybody was laughing their asses off. After that there was no stopping me, I was on fire! I loved to entertain people and make them laugh. I constantly told my standard jokes about bugs and grandparents. Was the reason a hormonal overproduction? I don't know, but I also shot up in height: 1,88 m in the morning and 1,89 m in the evening (I learned that on the Discovery Channel!).
When I was 13 my life changed drastically. I grew up living real hard. Racing cars, smoking, drinking... Sleeping with any girl I could find. Real stupid dangerous lifestyle. Then I turned 14 and.....
Naaaah! Just kidding :-) I was so wet behind the ears! On the first week in secondary school I received an F in a biology test (sex education). Until then, the worst grade I have ever received was a B! F sounds really bad at first, but the overview of grades was as follows:
A(0) | B(0) | C(1) | D(2) | F(20). The one who received the C must have had access to the world of sexuality. There was also a genius who managed to make two spelling mistakes writing his own name!
Of course there's more to the story of my life, but I'll save that for later. That way you guys will have something to look forward to :-)